February, 2012:

Yesterday I made the mistake of reading an article about work/life balance. I say it was a mistake because instead of absorbing the intended message of the article – (that productivity is enhanced when time is given for respite) – I was  struck with the opposite effect – there is so much left undone that I want to still do! I felt my body go into a mild panic about the future. I began to judge myself — I don’t have a clear life direction yet. I am too timid in going after the things that I want in life.  And I just don’t do enough. 

Somewhere in all this toxic mind chatter I remembered when a professor said to me, “Zvi, you did a lot of work just to let go of doing and settle into being.” He was goading me about my catch phrase meaning through being and the paradox about actively studying being so intensely. That memory acted as a life line as I was able to weed through the bombarding cultural cues of necessary success that had entangled me. I remembered that I did not have to buy into the cultural rules that deemed that I had to do more and more or else I would become less and less.

I did some exercise, reviewed my tasks at hand noting that I was indeed being productive, and after about thirty minutes felt more at ease about my life course.

Social pressure can drive us mad. There is a message wafting in the American air of our big cities that there is always more to do and that who we are now is not enough. We are barely content with being fine in the present moment as many of us are trained to try to figure out the stability of our entire lives right now. At these moments of feeling overwhelmed we can invite in a degree of willingness to our willfulness. We can be honest about the limits of our control and aim for openness as life continues to flow.

Try this: Get out of your head by engaging your body and share some self-appreciation for all that you are now.

Many blessings!

Yesterday I overheard a heartbreaking snippet of a conversation. I admit, that I am reading a lot into this snippet, being that it was only a tiny piece of probably a more lengthy conversation, and an even more lengthy story – but, a minds got to do what a minds got to do. So here goes.

I was walking home on another chilly NYC late afternoon and a man in his forties stepped out of a building in front of me holding hands with a young girl, maybe age 10. I heard the man say to this child,

“A failure…Failure. Am I a failure? Did mommy ever say to you that I am a failure?”

That was all I heard as we walked in opposite directions. My first thought was to turn around and say to the father, “That question is so unhelpful. Your daughter should probably not be in the middle of the drama between you and your ex-wife.” Of course, I realized that I was totally judging this man with no real understanding of the situation and kept walking.

As my mind continued to play the situation over, I started to think about all the negative labels we carry around for ourselves and for other people and scenarios. I have been here for about 6 weeks now and up until recently, when anyone asked me how things were going I would start by saying, “Terrible. I like the work I’m doing, but I don’t want to be in NY.” Somehow I decided that I had to reinforce the story that I was not content here. Knowing that I will be here until May, this is rather unhelpful.

It seems really important to me to weed out these deep damaging labels that I brand myself and others with. Our brains are meaning machines and will automatically fill in the gaps when information is missing. I see a person, and I automatically trust or mistrust them. I label them smart, scary, sad, or dangerous. There is a protective value to this process, and there is also a downside. Our labels create biases in our behavior and we can begin to treat ourselves and other people unfairly and without wisdom.

Awareness is not only knowing what your mind is thinking. It is also choosing to affirm or alter your mind’s automatic judgments. This is a skill that takes a lot of practice and support, and if we want a more compassionate world, now is a good time to start.

Many blessings!