(Photo credit: http://www.inquisitr.com/197314/bridge-to-nowhere-returns-in-2012-presidential-election/)

In New Mexico I (poorly) decided to drive around a ROAD CLOSED sign in late January that was blocking a mountain pass towards Albuquerque. I had seen other cars do the same on other roads, and thought, “Hey, why not my car?”

As I wound my way down to the valley, shadow took over and the snow on the ground became more significant. And with no cell service and no back-up plan, I realized that my car could not handle the thickening sleety snow. I turned the radio off so I could concentrate better and began a slow crawling-speed forward, hoping I could make it out the other side.

When I looked far ahead of me I became very nervous. How long is this road? Am I really all alone down here? Aren’t there bears in New Mexico? (Yes, I learned a lot from my naiveté, and here comes the point.)    So to calm myself down I drew my gaze to just a few feet in front of my car. Noting the slow, but steady progress I was making, I was able to let go of some of my fear. And I believe that I learned something about life.

When we try to see the complete path of our life, we can get tangled in tremendous doubt and uncertainty. There are so many unknowns and so many questions that cannot be answered. “Will this relationship last?” “Will my child escape harm?” “Will I land that dream job?” “Will we know peace someday?” I can hope and I can pray, but I can never know.

To deal with this, sometimes petrifying uncertainty, it is good to draw back my focus to some of the more immediate tasks at hand. “What am I doing now to honor my partner and our relationship?” “What skills am I instilling in my children so that they can better handle life’s hardships?” “What actions am I taking in order to compete for the job I want?” “How do my actions increase the peacefulness of my current situation?”

I believe these questions help us to live right on that boundary between what we can and cannot control. We are still driven by our intentions and goals to expand our meaningful selves through time, while we remain anchored in the reality of our present moment.

Every now and then it is helpful and needed to look further ahead, to take the time to remember the limits of our control. We may be able to avoid a far off snow bank. Or, perhaps in the distance the snow has already melted away. By doing so we can appreciate the unknown as a mystery that can make our wildest dreams even greater than we could have imagined.

Many Blessings!

(Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/groups/pinkalicious/discuss/72157602867299356/)

Spring is here and the taste of Matzah is in my mouth. It can only mean one thing – It’s Passover! Given the increased restriction (or call to awareness) on the foods that Jews traditionally consume on Passover, it is an interesting paradox that this holiday is also called “The Season of our Freedom.” Centuries ago that Hebrews escaped Egyptian bondage and began their journey to self-ruled nationhood, or rather to a One-God ruled nationhood. And so today we remember, oh yes, we are free!

But what does it mean to be free? Heschel wrote, “The danger begins when freedom is thought to consist of the fact that ‘I can act as I desire.’” Freedom should not mean, “I can do whatever I damn well please,” because if it does mean that, we would quickly strip away the freedom of those around us if their expression of freedom conflicts with our freedom. I think we encounter this definition of freedom on the pre-school playground, “That’s my toy!”

From an existential perspective Freedom always comes with Responsibility. I would venture to say that responsibility bounds freedom before it becomes toxic. We simply cannot do whatever we want or we would destroy the planet (Global warming or not). Life is laced with freedom and responsibility.

At the same time responsibility does not override freedom. Freedom, rather, is the fundamental element of responsibility. If we did not choose to assert ourselves towards a certain cause or caring relationship, there could be no responsibility. And it is in this assertion that we truly express our freedom.

Freedom can become overwhelming. For example, it can be easier to live a religiously observant life if you believe that you have no choice in the matter. For me, when I introduce the element of choice that I have the freedom to walk away from observance and still live a happy and fulfilled life, I begin to question if I really need to be living life in this manner. I can just go eat the freakin’ bagel on Passover, and it really would be okay. But as I shift my mind away from my stomach, I realize that it is MY conviction to carve a personal path in observance that makes the whole ordeal meaningful and even somewhat magical. I come into contact with my POWER to choose.

I think a good challenge for this “Season of Freedom” is to remember all those places that you are actually choosing to engage in your life that you have tucked under the rug for a, “I have no choice!” attitude. For example, your commitment to care for your kids or elderly parents is not without a personal choice. Working 80-hours a week is also not without your personal seal of approval. I am not suggesting that you change anything, only that you become more intimate with your personal power to choose, (AKA your  FREEDOM) and to feel empowered even when you feel stuck.

Many blessings!

(followed by a weekly sitting meditation at 8pm!)

Somewhere in all this toxic mind chatter I remembered when a professor said to me, “Zvi, you did a lot of work just to let go of doing and settle into being.” He was goading me about my catch phrase meaning through being and the paradox about actively studying being so intensely. That memory acted as a life line as I was able to weed through the bombarding cultural cues of necessary success that had entangled me. I remembered that I did not have to buy into the cultural rules that deemed that I had to do more and more or else I would become less and less.

I did some exercise, reviewed my tasks at hand noting that I was indeed being productive, and after about thirty minutes felt more at ease about my life course.

Social pressure can drive us mad. There is a message wafting in the American air of our big cities that there is always more to do and that who we are now is not enough. We are barely content with being fine in the present moment as many of us are trained to try to figure out the stability of our entire lives right now. At these moments of feeling overwhelmed we can invite in a degree of willingness to our willfulness. We can be honest about the limits of our control and aim for openness as life continues to flow.

Try this: Get out of your head by engaging your body and share some self-appreciation for all that you are now.

Many blessings!

Yesterday I overheard a heartbreaking snippet of a conversation. I admit, that I am reading a lot into this snippet, being that it was only a tiny piece of probably a more lengthy conversation, and an even more lengthy story – but, a minds got to do what a minds got to do. So here goes.

I was walking home on another chilly NYC late afternoon and a man in his forties stepped out of a building in front of me holding hands with a young girl, maybe age 10. I heard the man say to this child,

“A failure…Failure. Am I a failure? Did mommy ever say to you that I am a failure?”

That was all I heard as we walked in opposite directions. My first thought was to turn around and say to the father, “That question is so unhelpful. Your daughter should probably not be in the middle of the drama between you and your ex-wife.” Of course, I realized that I was totally judging this man with no real understanding of the situation and kept walking.

As my mind continued to play the situation over, I started to think about all the negative labels we carry around for ourselves and for other people and scenarios. I have been here for about 6 weeks now and up until recently, when anyone asked me how things were going I would start by saying, “Terrible. I like the work I’m doing, but I don’t want to be in NY.” Somehow I decided that I had to reinforce the story that I was not content here. Knowing that I will be here until May, this is rather unhelpful.

It seems really important to me to weed out these deep damaging labels that I brand myself and others with. Our brains are meaning machines and will automatically fill in the gaps when information is missing. I see a person, and I automatically trust or mistrust them. I label them smart, scary, sad, or dangerous. There is a protective value to this process, and there is also a downside. Our labels create biases in our behavior and we can begin to treat ourselves and other people unfairly and without wisdom.

Awareness is not only knowing what your mind is thinking. It is also choosing to affirm or alter your mind’s automatic judgments. This is a skill that takes a lot of practice and support, and if we want a more compassionate world, now is a good time to start.

Many blessings!

Earlier this week I was taking a wonderful yoga class at a studio called NYC Loves Yoga . The class was rather quiet as the teacher was guiding us through an intense sequence of asanas. Personally, I was focused on my body and tracking my breath. Yes, I can be a Yoga goodie two-shoes . The teacher let out a little chuckle and said, “Whew guys, you are all so quiet! Don’t be so sad!” She then continued to teach.

Her words were very familiar to me as I have thought the very same thing when teaching Yoga or other workshops. I am so trained to judge positivity with smiles and good cheer that perceived solemnity automatically registers in my mind as sad, disconnected, and discontent.

In one of my past weekly learning sessions there was one student who most of the time sat with a complete scowl on his face. I see his face and my mind says, “He hates this and he hates me.” Inevitably, he would pop out a question that showed he was closely listening, intrigued, and wanted more information. I had to train my brain to reinterpret his facial expression as concentrated, not angry.

Our sense of personal meaning and the meaning we ascribe to a particular moment can be deeply impacted by our perceptions of those around us. Next time you catch a glimpse of a situation and fling out a negative interpretation, ask your brain to slow down and offer another possibility. Especially with people we do not know well, or with forms of communication that are mostly limited (phone/emails), it is so easy to misinterpret the inner world of another individual. With practice we can learn to keep our judgments open and less harmful. Good luck!

Many blessings!

Contemplative Sufi-Jewish Retreat

with Brian Yosef Schachter-Brooks, Prof. Dr. M Ibrahim H. Baha’uddin Chishti,
 and Dr. Zvi Bellin

Angelica Center, Santa Rosa
May 11-13, 2012

Join a unique experiential weekend where two spiritually rich cultures collide to increase the qualities of wholeness and awareness in your life. The mystical expressions of Sufism and Judaism have a long-standing tradition of co-mingling – inspiring in each other ecstatic and subtle practices that honor every person’s connection with the Divine.  Our weekend will include an array of practices from both traditions, expertly guided to form a holy community where each member will have the opportunity to deepen their connection to themselves and the world around them. We will hold friendly silence throughout the retreat, promoting inner-stillness by refraining from idle chatter. There will be singing, chanting, and ample opportunity to ask questions. 

Our weekend will include:

Retreat Accommodations:

Our retreat will be held at the Angela Center (www.angela center.com) located at 535 Angela Drive, Santa Rosa, CA  95403. It is a beautiful retreat space, located about 1-hour north of the Bay Area, which focuses on “Integrating: spirituality, psychology, social responsibility and the arts.” Double and single rooms are available all with shared baths. The Angela Center is a nurturing setting for deep practice.

Payment Information:

 In order to make the retreat affordable, participants are only required to pay the fee of room and board. This cost is $230 per person for a double room and $275 for a single room. At the completion of the retreat, participants will be asked to donate to the teachers. The total cost of the retreat includes two nights lodging in hotel style rooms (Double and Singles available) with hall baths, five delicious meals, a complete weekend workshop series.

Registration Information: 

REGISTRATION FOR THIS RETREAT IS LIMITED TO 30 PARTICIPANTS. Please email zvilove@gmail.com to receive your registration form and payment information

Questions?:

Please email zvilove@gmail.com with any questions or concerns.

Tentative Schedule:

FRIDAY, May 11^th

Arrival and Check In – 3:00 – 5:00 p.m.

Welcome and Entering into Shabbat (Candle lighting) – 5:00 – 6:30p.m.

Shabbat Dinner – 6:30 – 7:30 p.m.

Mysticism of the Arabic Letter Alif  – 7:45 p.m. – 8:45 p.m.

Inner Awakening with Breath and Body Awareness – 9 p.m. – 10p.m.

Sweet dreams!

SATURDAY, May 12^th  

Morning Attunement (meditation and movement) – 7:15 – 8:00 a.m.

Breakfast – 8:00 – 9:00 a.m.

Naqshbandi 11 Principles – 9:15 – 10:00 a.m.

Contemplative Ecstatic Prayer for Shabbat – 10:00 – 11:45 a.m.

Shabbat Lunch – 12:00 – 1:00 p.m.

Discussing the Ineffable Names of G-d in Sufism and Judaism – 1:15 – 2:30 p.m.

Shabbas Menuhah/Rest (Snacks available) – 2:30 – 4:15 p.m.

Shabbat Mincha Practice – 4:15 – 5:15 p.m.

Third Meal/Dinner – 5:30 – 6:30 p.m.

Mysticism and Meditation – 6:30 – 7:15 p.m.

Dhikr: Sufi Ceremony of Divine Remembrance – 7:30 – 9:00 p.m.

Sweet Soul Music with Captain Zohar (Havdalah) – 9:15 and on –(Shabbat ends 8:55pm) –

Sweet Dreams!

SUNDAY, May 13^th  

Morning Attunement – 7:15 – 8:00 a.m.

(Talking) Breakfast – 8:00 – 9:00 a.m.

Contemplative Shacharit with Ecstatic Chant –  9:00 – 10:30am

Transitioning back to the “Real World” – 10:30 – 11:15 a.m.

Snacks available at 11:15am

SAFE TRAVELS AND MANY BLESSINGS!

Retreat Facilitators:

Inspired by Martin Buber’s writings, Brian Yosef Schachter-Brooks began a quest for finding the inner Truth of Judaism, beyond tradition. Finding That Truth ironically led him back to tradition. He is an ordained (s’micha) meditation teacher through Chochmat HaLev. Brian Yosef currently serves as the Music Director of Chochmat HaLev where he teachers meditation classes and leads prayer services. His band, Captain Zohar, plays original Jewish devotional and concert music. He lives in Oakland with wife Lisa and their two children, to whom he owes constant gratitude for keeping him far from cheap, egocentric substitutes for G-d.

 Prof. Dr. M. Ibrahim H. Baha’uddin Chishti is Provost  and Acting President of the Starr King School of the Graduate  Theological Union where he is also Senior Research Analyst in  the Centre of Islamic Studies of which he was one of the  founders.  He serves as a consultant for students studying  Sephardic and Mizrahi Jewish issues at the GTU Centre for  Jewish Studies and.  He developed the Andalusia Project for the Starr King School, whereby Jewish, Christian, Unitarian Universalist, Muslim students and others study their interconnected histories and traditions together. He is also a spiritual teacher and guide (Pir/Shaykh) in the Ajmeri Chishti tradition and has spiritual students worldwide. A faculty member at ALEPH Kallah 2011, he is a member of Chochmat haLev and serves on the Chevra Kadisha.  He loves to laugh….

Dr. Zvi Bellin holds a Ph.D. in Pastoral Counseling and is a licensed therapist in Maryland and DC. Zvi directs intimate retreats for the Jewish community that are both spiritually uplifting and intellectually stimulating.  His teaching style follows the tradition of blending Torah study with contemplative Jewish practice. Zvi has studied extensively with teachers spanning various Jewish denominations, including, Rabbi David Zeller, Miriam Ribner, Rabbi Zvi Miller, and Rabbi Jeff Roth. Learn more about Zvi and his research on personal meaning on his blog www.meaningthroughbeing,com .

(Photo credit: http://kidsplaceinternational.org/?page_id=16)

I get so excited about the changing world around me. I hope it is not limited to the Bay Area. The strong presence of transgender people is a hint of a nation of prophets, their lives ringing with the message – “Change is possible!” The wealthiest among us are being challenged about their controversial and potentially harmful beliefs. In past generations (and still in some areas today), could one so easily criticize a king or political leader especially in public without facing consequences? In some ways the world is widening its margins of acceptance, while in other ways a global culture is streamlining life through the electronic connections of the World Wide Web.

As we grow as a global community into fuller awareness of the world around us, we have a greater task of responsibility. How will we shape this growth? In contemplative practice, one usually begins with the simple act of paying attention in order to cultivate awareness and presence. We sit and follow the breath, for example, watching as thoughts, feelings, and sensations arise. We get to know our inner-worlds and see that really everything passes in its own time. Out of this truth wisdom comes – “maybe I do not have to push and control so hard, life has its own momentum.”

After a while of riding on this awareness, a natural question seems to arise – Is awareness enough?  If we see pain and suffering around us, does the simple act of seeing alleviate it? This is not a question that is answered with a simple yes or no. It seems that the simple awareness that has been cultivated purposely leads to this question. So we go back to our meditation schools and faith institutions and the practice changes. Now we are offered teachings to train our intention to layer on top of awareness. This way, we do not just become aware, but we become aware in a particular way. I am convinced that this dual or multi-layered approach is present in any faith-based practice. I am currently taking a series-class at the East Bay Meditation Center where we are learning to spark our awareness from the qualities of lovingkindness, compassion, joy, and equanimity. In Judaism there is a similar approach to character development called Mussar Practice, (www.mussarleadership.org). These practices help to reshape the “I” from which life is lived.

Another example that gets us closer to a global system model is in organizational development. As a start-up becomes established and successful, new staff is hired and a variety of departments emerge. Efficient and thoughtful managing staff will attempt to infuse the growth of the organization with their original mission and values. An expanding hospital still needs to heal people, not just serve more people. A religious institution should remain a place of connection to Spirit while moving to a larger building. Part of growth, on all levels, is to maintain the appreciation of what is core and simple while becoming more complex in other ways.

Thus, when we notice suffering around us, we do heal the world because we are maintaining the simple power of presence in a world that is growing ever more complex and complicated. That is a huge task within itself. And when we add the layers of ourselves as compassionate and kind people, we Super Size the capacity for these values to be infused within the social fabric of this expanding global community.  So notice the practice that you are already doing to increase your awareness with greater compassion and celebrate your steps (meditation, prayer, raising children, educating others, Yoga, taking care of yourself). Simultaneous Step 2: Appreciate other people around you who are practicing in some way too.

(Photo credit: http://www.123rf.com/photo_7905127_dark-silhouette-of-black-reaper.html)

In synagogues this weekend we will read the story of Jacob and Esau. I believe that this portion contains one of the earliest recorded existential conflicts and holds an important message about meaning. Here is the scene (Genesis, Chapter 25).

Esau, a young burly red-headed hunter returns from a strenuous hunt. He did not find any prey on this particular day and is feeling very hungry. He walks into his home and smells something delicious. An aromatic red lentil stew, his younger brother’s special recipe, is simmering on the fire. Esau wants some of that soup!

Esau: Pour into me some of the red-stuff for I am exhausted!

Jacob: You want my soup! Trade me your status as the first-born!

Esau: Well, I am going to die anyway, so of what use to me is a birthright?

Esau swears his first-born birthright over to his little brother. (Yep they are twins, but Esai came out first. If you know twins, or are a twin, the fact that one came out first can be quite an issue!)And the rest is history – the children of Jacob and the children of Esau become eternal archetypal enemies. Not so wonderful!

Growing up I always learned about Esau as the “evil twin.” He terrorized his brother and was stupid to sell his birthright – he got the “short end of the stick” that what was coming to him. This year, the response of Esau really jumped out at me in a way that I could very much relate.

“Well, I am going to die anyways, so of what use to me is a birthright?”

Personally, I ebb and flow in my ability to see the world as a meaningful place and thus my engagement in the world also can feel void of purpose. Experiencing life as meaningful takes practice and is not a simple given. The narrative of Jacob and Esau seems to take place in their adolescence. Can we actually condone a teenager for stating the obvious truth – Nothing lasts forever, so why should I strive for success? Think back to when you were a teen (or maybe just last Tuesday), it is quite natural to wrestle with this perspective.

So was Esau a boor or just someone who tended towards existential conflicts of meaning? Being a hunter, Esau knows that the world can seem quite random. On the hunt, you win some, you lose some. There is not exact reason why a swooping bird catches this rodent and not the one next to it. Perhaps Esau, in that moment was taken by this fact – even with a G-d in the world, things seem to just happen.

Introducing the perspective of the existential into this portion we see a dichotomy between a “Jacob way” of looking at the world and an “Esau way” of looking at the world. On the one hand the world is full of meaning that lasts beyond the life of one individual. The blessings from the past generations impact the present, and the actions of those in the present will shape the direction of the future. On the other hand, we are stuck in the finiteness of life. There is no continuity in the random unfolding of one generation to the next – Who will die, who will live? Who will be remembered? Who will be forgotten?

Un/fortunately, I think about these topics way too much and here is my short answer to this complicated dilemma. Both perspectives are absolutely valid (and there are many positions in between!) We can become skillful in knowing when to embrace the meaningfulness of a moment versus when we might tone down our own self-importance. For example, when your commitment at work results in the decay of your social relationships – it is time to evaluate the real meaning of your work. On the contrary, if you are having trouble making a decision, you might tap into your passions and intentions and remember that to live fully is to make choices that appear meaningful in a particular moment.

This week, I feel bad for Esau. Not only does he struggle to see his life as meaningful, but his shallow self-esteem is affirmed by his parents choosing his younger brother over him. We see that this begins a chain reaction whereby he chooses a wife that will specifically antagonize his father (28:9). His father, Isaac, was once Esau’s biggest fan. I want to suggest that this story teaches us an important lesson about how we can affirm or aggravate the sense of meaning of another person. As we see in the story of Esau, it can be the meaning of those closest to us that are impacted most deeply by our actions and attitudes towards them.

Tell All Perspectives Presents:

COUNSELING SPIRITUALITY & SEXUALITY ISSUES

A Conversation with Dr. Zvi Bellin

Tuesday, November 29th at 5pm

The Wright Institute
2728 Durant Avenue in Berkeley
Room 109

Dr. Zvi Bellin earned a PhD in Pastoral Counseling and Counselor Education from Loyola University in Maryland and an M.A. in Counseling and Guidance from New York University. He has worked as a therapist in a number of mental health settings, and has interned as a Psychiatric Chaplain. Zvi’s most recent interests include exploring the raw experience of meaning in life, and the integration of personal spirituality into a practice of holistic well-being. He directs retreats across the country offering Jewish practice with a contemplative twist, and through Nehirim, he serves the GLBT Jewish community. Zvi is the Director of Jewish Education for Moishe House, an international organization that builds dynamic Jewish community for young Jewish adults. This Spring he will be a Visiting Professor at Fordham University, teaching counseling courses in their Graduate School for Religion and Religious Studies.